Friends - Venner For Livet

The One With All The Candy

[Scene: Park/Playground. Monica & Phoebe are sitting on a bench, Ross & Chandler are standing next to Ben, whose on his new bike]

Ben: I'm ready!

Ross: You sure?

Ben: Uh-huh!

Chandler: Okay, let me just straighten your helmet there.

Ben: Thanks, daddy!

Ross: No no. One daddy, TWO mommies. All right, its all your's. [Starts to push Ben a bit on the bike]

Chandler: Okay, okay. [Ben is riding on his own] There you go, there you go!

[Monica and Phoebe stand up to clap as they all watch him]

Phoebe: Ohh, Ben's first big kid bike. This is so exciting!

Monica: Oh yeah. I remember mine. It was my sixth birthday and my dad took me to the park. And I got on it, and...it bent.

Ross: Yeah.

Phoebe: I never had a bike of my own.

Ross: What?!

Phoebe: Well, we didn't have a lot of money. But the girl across the street had the best bike! It was pink and it had rainbow colored tassels hanging off the handle grips, and and a bell and this big white whicker basket with those plastic daisys stuck on. [impressed] Ohh!

Chandler: Oh that sounds like my first bike. [Everyone looks at him, questiongly] My dad gave me his old one.

Monica: Did the girl ever let you ride it?

Phoebe: Oh, no! But she gave me the box it came in. It had a picture of the bike on the front. So I would sit on it and my step-dad would drag me around the back yard.

Ross: That is so unfair.

Phoebe: Not really. I got to drag him around too!

Opening credits

[Scene: Monica, Chandler and Phoebe's. Joey is sitting at the kitchen table and Monica is in baking mode. Chandler walks in from the bedroom]

Chandler: Hey, what are you guy's doing?

Monica: Making holiday candy for the neighbors.

Chandler: I'm sorry. Who?

Monica: I'm gonna hang this basket on the door, and then when all the neighbors walk by, they can all take a peice.

Chandler: But we don't know the neighbors.

Joey: I do. There's...let's see...there's guy with the mustache, smokes a lot lady, some kids I've seen, and a red haired guy who does not like to be called "Rusty".

Monica: You see, this is exactly why I am making this candy. We can learn their names and get to know our neighbors.

Chandler: [eating the candy] Wouldn't it be easier if we just moved?

[Rachel walks in, very happy] Rachel: Gooood morning!!

Chandler: Somebody's in a good mood.

Rachel: Well why shouldn't I be? I have great friends, I have a wonderful job...

Monica: Where you can make out with your assistant!

Rachel: Mon, its not a big deal. We stayed up all night coming up with a plan so that us dating will not be a problem.

Monica: Oh yeah? What's the plan?

Rachel: [thinking] We..we are not...going to let it...be a problem.

Monica: [sarcastic] Wow! It took you all night to come up with that plan?

Rachel: [smiling] Oh well, we did other stuff too.

[Chandler and Joey are ohhh-ing and ahhh-ing]

Monica: So did you two.....

Rachel: [getting her coffee ready] Oh, Monica, come on, you know I don't sleep with guys on the first date.

Monica: Matt Wyer, Mark Lynn, Ben....

Rachel: [Leaving the apartment] Anymore!

Monica: Okay!

[Scene: Rachel's Office. There is a man delivering her mail. Tag enters the office]

Rachel: Hi, Tag, I have a conference call today, is that correct?

Tag: Yeah, its at 4. [Mail guy leaves]

Rachel: Thank you. That'll be all. [Tag starts to leave] Wait, wait! [She gets up and runs over to close her office door] Did you see that? That mail guy had no idea that there's something going on between us! [She goes up to him and they kiss]

Tag: I better get back to my desk.

Rachel: [rubbing his arms] Okay, hard worker! [he starts to leave] I'll remember to put that in your evaluation.

Tag: My what?

Rachel: Well you've been here for two months now..and your boss is required to hand in a performance evaluation. But you know, there is one thing that I have yet to evaluate. [she clears everything off her desk onto the floor, and sits on it suggestively] Ha!

Tag: Are you serious?

Rachel: No, I've just always wanted to do that! [Gets off the desk] Can you help me clean this up?

[Scene: Hallway bewteen the apartments. Monica and Chandler walk up to their front door]

Monica: The basket is totally empty! Oh my God, the neighbors at all the candy!

Chandler: Yeah either that or uh.. [nods his head in the direction of Joey's apartment]

Monica: Joey! [She and Chandler walk into Joey's apartment, where Phoebe has a bowl on his head and is cutting his hair] Did you eat all the neighbor candy?

Joey: Well yeah, that was the plan. But by the time I got to it, there were only a couple of pieces left.

Phoebe: Yeah, they've been coming by all day. They love it.

Monica: [very happily] They love my candy? Oh man, I gotta go make more!

Joey: Oh hey, you might wanna make more lasagna too because something might have happened to a huge chunk of it.

Monica: [starts to leave the apartment, Ross is walking in] Ross, the neighbors ate all my candy!

Ross: Mine stole my newspaper! Its like a crimewave! [Monica looks at him, confused, then goes to her own apartment] Pheebs, you got a second?

Phoebe: Sure.

Ross: Yeah, ever since you told me that story about that bike, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I mean everyone should have a first bike, you know? So...[he goes into the hallway and comes back into the apartment with a bike that looks exactly like the one Phoebe described in the beginning]

Phoebe: [shocked] Oh my God, Ross! I loooove it! Oh! [looking at the bike] Oh, and I love you! Not that way. But the bike got you a lot closer. [hugs and kisses him]

Ross: Take it downstairs, you know? Give it a test drive.

Phoebe: Oh my God. My first bike! Thank you for the best present I've ever gotten.

Ross: You're welcome.

Phoebe: [starting to leave with the bike] Oh, and Chandler's about to cry. [she leaves]

Chandler: [to Ross and Joey, and obviously crying] Am not!

[Scene: Monica, Chandler and Phoebe's apartment. The middle of the night, someone is knocking on the door]

Monica: [turning on the lights] Who is that?

Chandler: [sounding scared and clinging onto her] Don't worry I am brave, I am, I, I am brave. [they walk over to the front door and Monica goes to open it, but he stops her] Oh, no no no no. [in a scared voice] Can you tell me who is there please?

Gary: My name's Gary...I live upstairs. [Monica opens the door] Hi.

Monica: Hi. Do you know what time it is?

Gary: It's candy time!! My roommate says that they taste like little drops of heaven.

Monica: [overjoyed] Oh, please! [smiling, to Chandler] You hear that? Little drops of heaven.

Chandler: [fake laughs] Four AM.

Gary: So, can I can some candy?

Chandler: I am sorry. But some of us have to get up early and go to work. [Monica looks at him] He does not know that I am not 'some of us'.

Monica: Listen, I'm sorry, but I'll put some out first thing in the morning. Gary: Okay, I'll swing by later. [To Monica] You live in this building?

Monica: [nodding] Mmm-hmmm.

Gary: [checking her out] Mmmmm! Seems like I woulda remembered you.

Chandler: [as Monica smiles] Mmmmm! Night, Gare! [Monica smiled and closes the door]

[Scene: Rachel's Office. Tag is at his desk and Rachel walks in from her office and wraps her arms around him from behind]

Rachel: So, did you read your evaluation yet?

Tag: No, it was marked confidential. I just sent it down to Human Resources. [Rachel looks shocked]

Rachel: Okay, please you're kidding, right? I wrote that one as a joke for you.

Tag: A joke they would appreciate?

Rachel: I'm thinking...no!

Tag: Well what did you say?

Rachel: Um..I said that I thought you were a good kisser..and that I liked your teeny, tiny touchie!

Tag: Oh no, not my touchie!

Rachel: Well, it gets worse. When ask if you take initiative, I said, "Yes, he was able to unhook my bra with minimal supervision" and under problems with performance, I wrote"Dear God, I hope not". And then I drew a smiley face and then a small pornographic sketch!

[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Monica and Joey are sitting on the couch, and Ross in the chair. Phoebe is outside with her new bike]

Monica: Ross, that is so sweet of you to get Phoebe that bike. When I heard the story I almost cried.

Joey: Almost cried, huh? Hear that Chandler? Almost..cried.

Chandler: Hey, you cry every time somebody TALKS about Titanic.

Joey: [looking emotional] Those two had only each other!

Ross: Phoebe really likes the bike.

Monica: Oh yeah! I saw her walking it down the street the other day, she had flowers in the basket. It was so cute.

Joey: Yeah I saw her this morning walking it in the park.

Ross: Wait a minute, she was walking the bike? Both times?

[Cut to outside Central Perk. Ross, Joey, Chandler and Monica walk out to Phoebe]

Joey: Hey, Pheebs!

Phoebe: Oh, hi!

Chandler: So are you enjoying the bike?

Phoebe: Oh, uh huh! So much!

Ross: Pheebs, you do know how to, uh, ride a bike. Don't you?

Phoebe: Of course.

Monica: Um..can we see you ride it?

Phoebe: Okay. [she gets on the bike and starts to ride but falls over as the others stare shocked] See?

[Commercial Break]

[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's. Chandler and Rachel are sitting at the kitchen table. Monica is baking, standing at the table. Joey is sitting on the couch.]

Monica: [to Rachel] See this is why I told you never to get involved with your assistant. There is no such thing as keeping secrets when it comes to having affiars. Did you hear that Chandler? NO SUCH THING!

Chandler: [with a mouth full of candy] What happened? I'm just eating candy.

Rachel: Maybe its not as bad as I think. I mean, maybe they didn't take it the way I meant it.

Chandler: Oh, absolutely. You know, because "touchie" can mean both ass and good worker.

Rachel: Oh, I just gotta get the thing back!

Joey: Hey Rach. That sketch you mentioned, might it have looked a little something like this? [holds up a diagram for them to see]

Rachel: Oh my God! Joey!

Chandler: [to Joey] What is the matter with you?

Joey: I'll tell you, this little talent came in handy before I could afford porn.

[Knock on the door, Monica goes to answer]

Woman: [smiling] Hi, I'm sorry, I know its after hours but I really need candy.

Monica: I'm sorry, I can't help you..see? [pointing to sign on her door] Rules are rules.

Woman: Please, I have people coming from out of town today and I've told them all about your candy.

Monica: You're kidding. Out-of-towners, huh? What did you tell them?

Woman: I told them your candy was absolutely indescribable!

Monica: Some people have been saying its you know, little drops of heaven, but whatever!

Joey: Hey, Chandler. Do we know that lady?

Chandler: Maybe. Isn't she the woman who lives below you that has sex really loud?

Monica: [getting the candy bowl] All right, I'll do it just this once, but you can't tell anybody.

Woman: Yes yes, please just give it to me.

Joey and Chandler: Yeah, that's her.

Woman: Thank you.

Monica: [closing the door] Unbelievable! I can't believe the sign didn't work!

Chandler: You know what would work?

Monica: Hmmm?

Chandler: Stop making candy.

Monica: But they like it!

Chandler: You mean they like you.

Monica: Maybe...

Chandler: Is that why you became a chef? So that people would like you?

Monica: Oh, you really wanna talk about getting people to like you, huh funny man? [Joey starts laughing, but stops when Chandler looks at him]

[Scene: Park. Ross is teaching Phoebe how to ride a bike]

Ross: Okay, just remember everything I taught you and you'll be fine. Okay? Here we go, ready, set...

Phoebe: Wait, this seat is really uncomfortable. Maybe before we start we should just get another. Perhaps like an airplane seat or a bean bag chair!

Ross: Phoebe, you can't get out of this. Okay, you have to learn how to ride a bike.

Phoebe: [sitting down on a swing] Why? Why do I have to learn?

Ross: Well in case of an emergency.

Phoebe: What kind of emergency?

Ross: Well what if a man comes along and puts a gun to your head and says "You ride this bike..or I'll...shoot you".

Phoebe: Okay, I would ring the bell to distract, and then I'd knock the gun out of his hand with a Chinese throwing star.

Ross: Okay, Phoebe. Just get on the bike, and hey, I'll hold you up and push you. Okay?

Phoebe: You won't let go?

Ross: No.

Phoebe: You swear?

Ross: I swear.

Phoebe: Okay. [she gets on the bike]

Ross: All right. [starts to push her] Okay, try peddling. You're doing great, that's it. Take control, yes. [Ross lets go as she rides on her own]

Phoebe: Wee! [realizes Ross has left go, and gets off the bike] Oh, oh, no! You swore!

Ross: I just thought you were doing so well....

Phoebe: I am shocked! Shocked! [she leaves with her bike]

Ross: Its a legitimate learning technique. [everyone around is looking angry at him] Wow!

[Cut to: Chandler, Monica and Phoebe's later that day. Monica is frantically making her candy when Ross walks in]

Ross: Hey. There's some people outside asking about candy?

Monica: Well they're just gonna have to wait ,aren't they? I've only got two hands!

Ross: Need some help?

Monica: Nooo! You don't know the system! There'll be nobody messing with the system!

Ross: By the way, the week before you wedding you may not see a lot of me. [Monica looks at him and he walks into Phoebe's room]

Phoebe: [sitting on her bed] Oh, hello liar.

Ross: Look, I'm really sorry I let go of the bike.

Phoebe: I could have been killed, I hope you know.

Ross: I know. I know. But can we please try it again, huh? I mean you were so close.

Phoebe: Well I would love to...but...the bike got stolen and the police have no suspects.

Ross: [standing by the bike, which is under a sheet] Phoebe?

Phoebe: What? [Ross rings the bell through the sheet, she fakes confusion] What the hell?

Ross: All right, you know what? If you are not going to learn how to ride this bike, then I'm just gonna have to take it back.

Phoebe: What? Why?

Ross: Because its, it would be like you having this guitar [walks over to her guitar] and never playing it. Okay, this guitar wants to be played. And this bike wants to be ridden. And if you don't ride it, you're killing its spirit. The bike is..dying.

Phoebe: All right. If you care enough to make up that load of crap.

Ross: Okay, great. [walks over to her door] You're making the bike very happy.

Phoebe: Okay, Ross. [He leaves. To the bike] Please don't die!

[Scene: Rachel's Office. Rachel and Tag are in her office]

Rachel: [walking over to her desk] Okay I think we can get the evaluation back before they see it, but we're going to have to get into Mr. Zelner's office. Now he doesn't get in until ten, so he's no problem. But his assistant, Betty, she comes in early to eat her breakfast at her desk.

Tag: That's kinda sad.

Rachel: Yeah, well, Betty's kinda sad. Which is why I believe I can lure her away with these chocolates. Now while I distract her, you go in the office.

Tag: Got it.

Rachel: Let's roll. [They head for the door, and Mr. Zelner walks in]

Mr. Zelner: Hello, Rachel. You got a minute?

Rachel: Sure, Mr. Zelner..for you anything minute. Okay. [to Tag as she begins to walk him out] Abort the plan, abort the plan...

Mr. Zelner: Actually I'd like to speak to both of you.

Rachel: Okay. [closes her office door] Can we get you anything, Mr. Zelner? Maybe some chocolates?

Mr. Zelner: No, thanks..but I'll give these to Betty. So I read your evaluation of Tag. Or to use his full name Tag "Sweet Cheeks" Jones? Is something going on with you two?

Rachel: [laughing] Well, oh my God, can you imagine if there was? [stops laughing as she sits down] I mean, what would happen exactly?

Mr. Zelner: Well, I'd be forced to file a report. I'd have to consult with the legal department and your future with the company would be in jeopardy.

Rachel: Well..

Tag: Uh, Mr. Zelner, I'm the one who filled in that evaulation.

Rachel: Oh no no no no.....

Tag: Yeah yeah yeah yeah. I thought it would be funny.

Mr. Zelner: You wrote that you have a [looking at the paper] "cute touchie"?

Tag: Yes. I have a weird sense of humor. And I'm kinda strangely pround of my butt.

Mr. Zelner: That's kind of a risky joke, Tag. [pointing to the paper] And what is this drawing? I can't figure out what this is....

Rachel: You're looking at it upside down...[grabs the paper and crumples it up] You know what? Doesn't matter.

Mr. Zelner: Hey, its not like I don't have a sense of humor, huh? Well I even enjoy a naughty limerick every now and then. But there's a time and a place, huh?

Rachel: [nodding] Yeah.

Mr. Zelner: Unless you have a limerick right now. [Rachel and Tag shake their heads] No? Okay, well you've got my fax number. [he leaves]

Rachel: I can't believe you did that. That was really sweet.

Tag: Uh, don't worry about it.

Rachel: No, you could have lost your job.

Tag: Are you kidding me? With a cute butt like this, I'd find work.

Rachel: Thank you. You're great. [kisses him]

Tag: You know what?

Rachel: What?

Tag: I feel great. [walks over to her desk] In fact.. [pushes everything off of her desk and sits on it, she looks upset] What?

Rachel: It just took me so long to get that desk organized.

Tag: [gets off desk to start picking everything up] I'm sorry. [Leans over]

Rachel: There it is! [They hug]

[Scene: Hallway bewteen the apartments. Tons of people are in the hallway, and Chandler walks in]

Chandler: What is going on?

Man: We're waiting for the candy. Bring out the candy!

Joey: Yeah, lady! Give us candy!

Chandler: [walks over to Joey] Joey?!

Joey: What's up buddy?!

Chandler: [confused] What are you doing?

Joey: [shyly] Waiting for candy.

Chandler: [walking toward his apartment] Get in here! [to a lady standing by his door and taking her cigarette] Hey and you cannot smoke in here! [takes a puff] Ahhh, Merry Christmas! [blows out the smoke when Monica opens the door]

Monica: [worn out from the baking] Okay guys, the candy is coming. I just need another 15 minutes for the chocolate to cool. [Everyone starts yelling and complaining]

Chandler: [moving in next to Monica] All right everybody, just be quiet, be quiet, pipe down! What is the matter with you people? This woman was trying to do a nice thing for you. She was making candy so she could try to get to know all of you. And I'll be that not one of you can tell me her name. Am I right?

Man: Candy lady?

Chandler: [mocking him] No, not Candy lady.

Joey: [moves over, knocking the Candy Lady guy down] Hey, if we know it can we have candy!?! [Monica looks shocked]

Chandler: All right, you know what? Forget it, all of you forget it. You've ruined it. Go home, you've ruined it, you've ruined it. [Chandler and Monica walk into their apartment, everyone begins complaining again]

Joey: [yelling and walking] You guys ruined everything, you ruined it! [walks over to the candy as Chandler closes the front door]

Monica: [smiling at Chandler and she puts her hands on his shoulders] Thank you.

Chandler: You're welcome. [They kiss and Monica pulls back]

Monica: Did you smoke?

Chandler: [nervous] No. Smokes a Lot Lady blew smoke directly into my mouth. Are you okay?

Monica: I'm fine now, but it was really scary there for awhile. Someone slipped a threatening note under the door. [hands it to Chandler, but Joey takes it]

Joey: [eating candy] Sorry about that. Mob mentality or whatever, I don't know...

[Commercial]

[Scene: The park. Phoebe and Ross are there and Phoebe is riding her bike]

Phoebe: [rides over to Ross and stops] Oh, I can't believe it. I did it. I rode a bike. I never thought I'd be able to do that. Thank you, Ross.

Chandler: Oh hey, don't thank me. Thank yourself. You're the one who faced your fears and ultimately overcame them.

Phoebe: Don't be so corny, Ross. Its not an afterschool special.

[She rides off, rings her bell, revealing that she has training wheels on her bike.]

-END-